My Cancer Journey

My Cancer Journey

by | May 17, 2025 | Yoga Health Education

By Sivananda Teacher Uma

Hi, everyone! I hope you’re all doing well. Thank you so much for all the love and support—it truly means a lot to me. I wanted to share a little update after my first chemo session last Tuesday.

A few hours after the infusion, the symptoms started to set in—body aches and nausea—that grew more intense over the following days. Yesterday was especially tough due to an added side effect from an immune-boosting injection to increase my white blood cells, which I’ll need to take after each chemo session. This injection caused significant bone pain, adding a new layer to the discomfort.

The experience was much more intense than I’d anticipated, especially since I’d heard that the first round tends to be easier and that effects are cumulative. Naturally, I feel some anxiety about how future sessions might build on this. But I’m happy to share that this morning, I finally turned a corner, and tonight I’m feeling so much better! Tomorrow is looking like it’ll be a really good day.

Hey there! Just finished my second chemotherapy cycle: 2 down, 6 more to go! Again it was quick and easy, just a few weird sensations in the body which are normal. The side effects are beginning to kick in so I’ll just rest for the next few days. Im very well taken care of, I have lots of easy food options and my home pharmacy is stocked. Let’s pray that this cycle is so effective it melts the tumor down.

My hair is now actively shedding… its a very weird experience as a lot of it is falling out very fast.

Over the last three years, yoga has taught me to let go of vanity. Those of you who have known me for a long time know how I never left the house without lipstick and concealer! I was so attached to makeup and how I looked… But I slowly learned to look at myself without any of it and think I truly looked beautiful. So loosing my hair feels like the ultimate lesson!

Chemo three 

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It feels good to be here: in treatment and closer to the cure! The nurses love it when, as they set up the medicine, I do a little prayer thanking those who developed this miracle drug and those who deliver it to me. It is a true blessing and a real privilege to have access to this miracle. Now I’m off to rest, rest and rest while the magic happens inside my body. In just 4–5 days, I’ll be up and running again! Sending you all so much love and light.

#4 done – I’m officially halfway through chemotherapy! As you can see, I couldn’t quite find a proper smile today. Each cycle feels a little different, and this time I felt uncomfortable. I wasn’t feeling ready, as I’m still recovering from a bronchitis infection caused by my low immunity. Having been unwell for the past two weeks, I would have chosen to postpone this session for a moment of respite. BUT if there’s one lesson this journey with cancer is teaching me, it’s that I don’t have a choice other than acceptance and surrender to God’s will. Sending all my love.

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Hello! I’ve just completed my 5th chemo treatment, this time with a new set of drugs that required 7 hours of infusions. It was a long day but It feels good to be more than halfway through this part of the journey! I’m feeling well because I had a warm, beautiful Christmas in my new home with Meredith, who has been so gracious and generous about embracing this chapter with me. And now, the best part—I get to see Nico in one day! My heart is full of gratitude for all your love and support. Thank you for being with me through it all!

My head is bald, my nails are purple, my skin is dry, my immunity is low and my heart is fragile… BUT the tumor is dissolving! After just one cycle of this new chemo, the cancerous mass has shrunk dramatically – a deeply reassuring result! I can’t wait to see the impact of this second session. The power of this medicine is astounding! Whenever my mind resists the side effects, I gently remind myself: these are signs that healing is actively taking place. And so, I surrender… Chemo #6 is complete, only two more to go! HAPPY 2025!

Today’s selfie features a very special guest—my dear sister Camila, visiting from Brazil to be by my side for this significant milestone. Having her here for my last chemo session is an incredible gift! We’ll sit together for the next six hours… stay tuned. 

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I DID IT!!! I completed my 8th and FINAL chemo! It’s been a long (yet somehow short) road to get here. With every session behind me, I heard my beautiful mother’s voice saying, “It’s one less to go,” and that’s exactly how I approached this journey: counting down, always looking ahead to the next small challenge to overcome, one step at a time, believing I was one day closer to the cure. I’m beyond grateful for all the love and support that carried me through. THANK YOU! And this isn’t even the best news today! I had an MRI to see how the cancer responded to treatment, and my doctor’s words were: “best result possible.” The 6cm tumor is no longer seen, and the 8 affected lymph nodes have resumed normal morphology. While I can only officially say I’m cured after five years in remission, and the final confirmation that I’m free of cancer will come from the pathology after my mastectomy, I FEEL CURED!

It’s been two weeks since my last chemo – when I’d typically send an update. But today, it’s not from a chemo chair (yay!) but from this sun-filled table, where I witness these plants grow. Around the time I started treatment, I took clippings from this plant, which was about to die in the freezing winter. Impermanence is the nature of all things… yet its beauty felt too extraordinary to let disappear. So, I brought these pieces inside, placed them in water, and cared for them. New roots and leaves quickly emerged, outgrowing their jar and needing to be transplanted into soil, where I now watch them thrive! At the same time, I was undergoing chemo, being tended to, and transforming into a “cancer thriver.” (We are no longer called “cancer survivors” because thriver goes beyond survival. It speaks to resilience, growth, and the commitment to truly thrive beyond cancer.) And so, like these small plants, grown from what once was, I, too, am rooted in new soil – now waiting for the surgery on March 19.

My surgery is tomorrow! After much reflection, I have chosen to have a bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction – or to “go flat.” The alternative would mean years of additional surgeries and possible complications, only delaying my highest priority: reclaiming my life in California with Nico. This surgery is a turning point, the moment all cancer tissue (pictured above) will be physically removed from my body. While my treatment continues, this is the most tangible act of non-attachment in my healing journey. Choosing to go flat may seem radical in a society that equates femininity with physical form, but I am not defined by my silhouette and refuse to chase an illusion of permanence in the body. I am prioritizing healing over aesthetics, self-acceptance over conformity, and freedom over an endless cycle of procedures that would continue to keep me away from my son. Please pray for a smooth and successful surgery at 8 AM EST tomorrow. 

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Surgery was a success! It lasted 4 hours and I woke up from the most pleasant dream that I was in meditation. I’m recovering with very little pain and feeling at peace. Thank you so much for your prayers! All my love.

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On August 29, 2024, I received the diagnosis of breast cancer. Today, just eight months later, I had my final appointment with the surgical oncologist to review the pathology results from my surgery, and I had the immense privilege of hearing my doctor say these words: “Yes, you can say you are in remission. In fact, I would say you are cancer free.” CANCER FREE. The words that anyone facing this diagnosis dreams of hearing. I can’t fully describe how powerful it was to hear those words come from my doctor’s mouth. A wave of relief and overwhelming joy washed over me. Although I still have one more month of radiation ahead (starting May 7), and will continue immunologic chemotherapy until the end of December, I now feel a deep sense of freedom – the kind that comes when you know you’ve been carried through something immense by grace. I am FREE to carry God’s will forward, with more faith, love, and gratitude than ever before!

Overcoming Pain

by | Apr 16, 2025 | Yoga Health Education

I am not your enemy, I am your friend,
I am a messenger from God, I am an angel from heaven
To teach you wisdom, To instill in your heart,
Mercy and dispassion, To turn your mind towards God,
To destroy your intense clinging To things earthly and mundane,
That are perishable and illusory; I am your guide and silent teacher,
I AM PAIN—the best thing in this world.

—excerpt from I am Pain, Thy Teacher by Swami Sivanandac

Pain is the main reason people go to the doctor. About 20% of American adults suffer from moderate to severe chronic pain, as do 13% of North American teens and 10 to 30% of the adult population of Europe. Its effects are physical, psychological and spiritual. Acute pain is typically a pain with a specific, identifiable cause, and a pain like twisting your ankle that resolves relatively quickly. Pain becomes chronic when it lasts three to six months. It can stem from an acute injury or surgery, but doesn’t always. The most expensive pain conditions in America are headache, arthritis and back pain. Pain can affect daily activities such as work, relationships, and sleep. When chronic, it can lead to mood disorders, depression, even suicide. Recent research suggests that pain can affect the chemistry of the brain and the functioning of the nervous systems. Other people, including many doctors, may find it hard to believe the severity of persistent pain. (The choice of the word “persistent” is intentional, as “chronic” does not sound hopeful!)

Pain is Subjective

How can we really know how much pain someone is in? It is very difficult to describe or measure. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is your pain?” How can we know whether one person’s 8 out of 10 is the same as another’s 8 out of 10? It is the same conundrum as trying to explain color to a blind person, or trying to describe the taste of jackfruit to someone who has never tasted it. We can try using adjectives like “aching,” “burning,” “sharp,” “shooting,” “radiating,” but these are also imprecise. Our capacity to communicate about pain is equal to the challenge of describing what love feels like, and how deeply impacting it is.

Protective Response

The human body comes equipped with many protective mechanisms—among them are sneezing, muscle spasms, the fight/flight response… and pain. Pain is a normal human experience, ensuring our survival. Its job is not only to alert us to danger, but make us stop what we’re doing, move away from the danger and sometimes even go lie down. Imagine the members of the Marsili family in Italy; because of a rare genetic mutation, they feel little or no pain. That might sound good at first, but consider the potentially dangerous consequences. You could burn yourself or break a bone without knowing it. You could then keep moving and make matters worse.

What is Pain?

Recent advances in pain science focus on the nervous system and the brain. The central nervous system consists of the brain and spinal cord. The peripheral nervous system consists mainly of nerves. When something potentially harmful happens, a message is sent to the brain via nerves and the spinal cord. Note that the impulse sent is not a pain message, but a danger message. (Neurons cannot tell the difference; they just relay a signal.)

Three things excite the neurons in your pain-danger system: mechanical forces on your tissues, chemical irritations and extremes of hot and cold. The greater the perceived threat, the more neurons jump into action, the more insistent the message. It is not until the information from the senses reaches the brain, though, that a decision is made about how dangerous it is and whether something needs to be done.

But the pain we feel is not an accurate indication of tissue damage or health. A major injury might not hurt much and a small paper cut can hurt a lot. You can be so engrossed in gardening that you don’t realize you’ve cut your finger. A soldier on the battlefield may be unaware of a serious injury. You may have injured the same body part several times and learned that it is not a big deal. If so, the brain will assign that injury less pain. The brain also deals with information presented on a priority basis. And that is a decision between it and you.

Nervous System: Experience, Not Facts

Nerves are made up of thousands of nerve cells, or neurons. They sense information and send messages via electrical impulse. If the message is loud enough and travels the length of the neuron, the neuron releases chemicals to excite the next neuron. The chain reaction reaches the spinal cord. If an immediate response is needed, a reflex can be initiated from there. Otherwise, signals may be amplified and sent along to the brain. The brain provide us with experiences, not facts. The signals lead to brain activity that creates pain. Action impulses from the brain can then influence any system of the body. Usually long before tissue heals, the brain itself reduces the danger signals and its own response, allowing pain to subside so “normal life” can resume.

Pain is Complex

There are 45 miles (72km) of nerves in the body, all collecting information about what is happening inside and outside the body. In the brain alone, there are 100 billion nerve cells. That’s 1,000 trillion connections passing information around the brain.

Pain Can Persist After Tissue Heals

There are cases where, after three to six months, the tissue may have healed, but the pain remains. Many systems have gone on red alert, usually including the emotional systems. Fear and worry feed right back into pain, revving it up. It is harder to pay attention. Less endorphins, and other feel-good chemicals, are being produced by the brain. It becomes harder to feel anything but pain in the body, harder to plan refined movements. Pain can lead the person experiencing it into a spiral—into a lonely, desperate, even life-threatening position.

The Nervous System Gets Wound Up

Persisting pain is related to two things: 1) changes in the physical body; and 2) neuroplastic changes in the nervous systems.

Revving up the fight/flight response

Courtesy of Neil Pearson

Pain can get worse because the nervous systems decide to pay closer attention to the danger signals. Excited neurons send even more signals, exciting neighboring neurons. The threshold of their sensors is lowered. With this much activity, the neurons function as if there is considerable danger and begin to produce inflammation to protect the body. The nervous system is wound up. The neural pathways related to pain expand. Similar changes of wind-up happen in the brain, and it can seem that positive feedback loops build allowing the changes to create a story of considerable danger, which then loops back to create more pain and more sense of danger. Research shows that understanding this process can help reduce pain.

“Suffering equals pain multiplied by resistance.”

—Shinzen Young

Pain Takes Over Other functions

When pain is experienced, 200 to 400 parts of the brain can get excited. The pain alarm system becomes hypersensitive. Normal functions of the brain in those areas are altered—some more active and some less. The pain can seem to spread as the signal expands into adjacent areas of the brain. Day-to-day activities such as thinking, planning and regulating emotions can be impacted. While pain might normally be processed in 5% of the nerve cells in a particular area of the thinking brain, in persistent pain, it can expand to 15–25% of the cells. The brain learns pain.

Left. Many areas of the brain can light up when there is pain.

Center. If the pain becomes chronic, more of the brain is processing it and the lit area grows.

Right. When the signals subside, no more pain.

Courtesy of Michael Moskowitz, M.D. and Marla Golden, D.O. and the neuroplastix.com website

The Body Map/Subjective Memory

The brain relies on being able to feel the body. It “sees” the body differently than we see ourselves. Given the large number of nerve endings in the skin, the brain receives more detailed information about the skin than what’s inside it. The more information, the bigger that body part becomes in our internal “body map.” Pain distorts how the brain perceives the body (as do memories, anxiety, preconceived ideas, etc.). A person with hand pain, may literally experience the hand being larger than normal. We may experience joint stiffness or pain; in actuality, the problem is in the nervous systems, not only in the body. The brain is sending the wrong signals. More things trigger the pain, even the slightest stress.

You Can Change Pain

Is the red dot inside or outside the cube? If you can change how you see this cube, that means you can change how you perceive visual inputs to your brain. And if you can do that, do you think you can change how your brain perceives danger signals?

If we are too quick to run from pain, or medicate it, we miss what it is trying to tell us. If we allow the battle to be between the doctor and the disease and think the solution is outside ourselves, we never get a chance to find the inner resources to face the situation, or find our own solutions to the problem. When we work together with Nature, different outcomes are possible.

What is Neuroplasticity?

The good news is that the nervous system is adaptable and constantly changing. Nerve cells in the brain change connections and behavior when new information is presented. One function of the brain can be transferred to an adjacent area of the brain if needed. If someone is blind, the areas of the brain that process visual information are free to process information from other senses. Thus there can be heightened awareness in other senses. If we don’t exercise a brain function, our potential in that area decreases. Equally, we get better at whatever we practice.

• Education in pain neuroscience can help put the ball in our court. The nerves will learn whatever we practice. Thanks to neuroplasticity, we have the power to influence how the nervous system functions. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to changing the nervous systems back. A combination of approaches works best. It is not necessarily easy or quick, but it is feasible. Each person’s collection of symptoms is different, based on their emotional state, response, memories, undigested past experiences, etc., yet all have the ability to influence pain.

• Neurons can be changed by almost anything—how we move, by input through our skin, how we stretch, what we think, what we see, our environment, what we believe, our emotions, etc. We have the ability to change each of these things, so we have considerable power to change how our neurons work.

• Sensors at the end of nerves are replaced every few days. We have some influence on the sensitivity of the new sensors. Given that there are trillions of sensors in your body, and thousands are replaced every second, every second your nervous system is in a state of more calmness, your body has the opportunity to replace the highly sensitive ones with the more normal (low sensitivity, high threshold) sensors.

[“More time in a calmer state, more opportunity for positive change.” —Neil Pearson]

• Brain chemistry changes when we practice finding ways to be happier. The fight/flight response causes the release of cortisol, which leads to more pain. Endorphins are produced when we are more content. Older adults with arthritis who are in good marriages experience less pain than those who are single or in unsupportive relationships. According to Neil Pearson, “One endorphin molecule may be able to block as many as 50 danger signals.” This makes endorphins even more powerful than morphine—but with pleasant side effects.

 

Teaching the Body a New Response to Pain

Unremitting pain wants our attention. Dwelling on it, or attempting to ignore it, can both rev up the nervous system. Research shows that it can be possible to reduce pain, by focusing on it without judgment or emotional response. Over time, we can teach the body a new response to pain, one that will cause less anxiety and less areas of the brain to fire. Reconceptualizing pain is empowering.

In Norman Diodge’s book, The Brain’s Way of Healing, he gives an example of a doctor who had debilitating neck pain for 13 years. The pain had spread to his back and shoulders. He decided to try a neuroplastic experiment to change his brain. Neurons that fire together, wire together. As often as possible, when in pain, especially when the pain spiked, he visualized a calm brain. He said, “I had to be relentless—even more relentless than the pain signal itself.” It took three weeks to notice a change. By six weeks, the back and shoulder pain was gone. His diligence paid off. Within a year, he was completely pain-free—for good!

 

The body will protect you from tissue damage. Once there is chronic pain, the warning alarm comes on prematurely. We believe there is danger sooner, so we give in to the alarm. Mobility decreases.

Courtesy of Neil Pearson

Keep Moving

Movement is an essential approach for successful pain care. The hypersensitive nervous systems are wary of movement, though. We move tentatively and an internal warning alarm comes on—even before there is any real danger— so we stop. To work towards regaining ease of movement, we must first be calm and attentive, then move up to and just beyond the edge of the pain. As the alarm goes off, ask, “Is it really dangerous? Will I regret it? Maybe this is just a normal situation.” By challenging the alarm, we turn it down. Muscles need to be taught that it’s okay to move and stretch. We must reconnect with body sensations, paying more attention to them than to the pain.

 

 

How Yoga Helps

Pain can be changed. And so can suffering associated with pain. Pain does not have to equal suffering. All is changing. Pain will change. In Yoga we learn to observe, accept what is and do our duty, putting aside personal preference. The experience is not about pain, it is what is behind the pain that brings insight into deeper truths. We go beyond our limited idea of self and expand.

Used as a therapeutic treatment, yoga helps relieve pain and muscular tension, fostering greater ease of movement and building self-reliance. Physical, mental and spiritual self-awareness and self-regulation improve. Feelings of anxiety, fear and isolation are reduced and a better quality of life can be found. It is accessible, less costly than medical intervention and has long-lasting effects—setting us on the journey to connect with the holistic Self, highest Self, the Perfect Self.

 

The Five Points of Yoga are the Best Medicine:

• Proper Breathing – Conscious breathing winds down the nervous system. An effective way to trigger parasympathetic response and release endorphins before moving is the following simple exercise. Just practicing this three to five times a day can help regulate the nervous system.

Longer, Smoother, Softer Breathing Practice
In any comfortable position, focus on your breathing. It doesn’t have to be any particular way, just watch it for a minute or so. Next, see if you can make it a little longer. Observe for another minute. Then, see if you can make it a little smoother. Observe. Finally, can you make it a little softer?

• Proper Relaxation – It is difficult not to focus on pain when it is severe. It is also challenging to relax. Practice a body scan in savasana (or sitting, if it’s more comfortable) to build body awareness. Starting with the feet and toes, pay attention to any subtle, non-pain sensations. Take your time and go through the entire body. This can prepare you to move calmly into an adapted yoga sequence with ease and confidence.

• Proper Exercise – Mild to moderate exercise can decrease physical pain. Monitor muscular tension. Take note of how the breath feels, how the mind feels, how the spirit feels. Stay calm. Do not ignore pain. Be sure you feel safe. The yoga sequence should be gentle and at a slow pace. Pause to take a slow, deep breath between rounds of sun salutations. When practicing bhujangasana, for instance, inhale up and exhale down a few times with no long-holding. Continue to monitor the body/mind/breath. Stop any time you cannot maintain the state of calm. Progress slowly.

• Proper Diet – The yogic (vegetarian) diet can help reduce pain and inflammation, and can even help reduce side effects of medications. Eat lots of vegetables, beans, fruits and a variety of whole grains. Include nourishing fats and high-quality protein.
Use ginger and turmeric. Restrict dairy and grains. Reduce flour and sugar intake. Avoid nightshade vegetables—potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant and processed food.

• Positive Thinking and Meditation – Thought, like proper movement, is among the most effective ways to stimulate neurons in the brain circuits. The mind drives pain. The mind can also reverse it. Imagine an area of the brain devoted to pain is shrinking. Reframe stressful events as beneficial. “Pain” can be rephrased as “sensation.” Cultivate less fear responses. In working with the mind, we gain the ability to focus for longer periods. We can manage stress. Positive thinking produces endorphins. We build self-awareness, quiet the mind and senses. In a 2011 study using functional MRI results, four hours of meditation training was shown to significantly reduce pain intensity.

Highly effective self-care, Yoga requires the utmost patience and perseverance. By its steady practice, we can not only change pain, but empower people to live with joy and meaning. We seek to cultivate the same awareness in meditation practice, leading to the non-dual state where there is only peace; pain disappears.